2015 Chevy Malibu w/ V8 + Manual (SS trim?)

"SPNKiX" (SPNKiX) 10/02/2015 at 14:22 • Filed to: Chevy, Malibu, SS, v8, Manual, Manuel, Magnetic, Ride, Holden, Commodore, chevrolet, 2015

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I’ve been admiring the Chevrolet Malibu for quite some time and finally decided to go ahead and make a sensible purchase.

I was at the dealer, going over options, and I noticed that there was a v8 available. I thought that sounded strange since the Malibu is such a sensible car, but they had one, right there in front of me, so I had to believe. Sadly, the only car with this option available came with a stick shift. Driving a stick is very annoying and in a city like Los Angeles it makes it almost impossible to text. There might be a text-to-talk feature in the dashboard computer thing, so maybe I’m being old fashioned. I’ve yet to get comfortable with all the features as it is only a day old.

One thing it does come with, which makes me feel like I’ve pulled off the deal of a lifetime, is these:

...I almost feel guilty because I’m sure they mistakenly included them at no charge. 4 of them! Made of aluminum!!! (Should I admit this on the internet? I hope I’m not incriminating myself... Steve Lehto?)

OMG, why?:

Now I know why they still make these antiquated distractions: because people will buy anything if there’s only one left at the dealer. Pathetic. It’s like the cable company on South Park: “Oh, you don’t want a manual... let me see what we have here... OOOOoooh, I’m afraid that’s all we have on the lot... you could always go to another dealer... oh, this is the only dealer around here?... that’s just terrrrible ...”

Also, maybe someone can chime in and explain to me what “rear wheel drive” means. I don’t know, but the dealer says it’s faster? The speed limit around here doesn’t exceed 65(mph), for the most part, so I’m not sure why that matters.

So, I’m stuck with this, I guess. If anyone cares, I’ll post some other stuff as I get familiar with the car.

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:30

6

If you aren't just trying to arouse our private parts with such scandalous pornography, i am jealous of your mistress.

TylerJ > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:31

9

I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that is a Chevy SS.

EDIT: Upon RTFA, this could be sarcasm.

spanfucker retire bitch > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:31

4

Here’s hoping for a bunch of comments from people that don’t get the satire.

RockRam > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:33

1

To this day I don’t think I've ever seen one of these on the east coast. I keep looking but then all I see is another boring Chevy badge in the rear

cazzyodo > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:34

4

Man, that sucks. Fuckin’ V8 manual transmission. Dammit all.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:36

1

Fantastic car. I got a ride in one when they first came out. Not actually a Malibu, though. It looks like one, but doesn’t share many components. It’s just called the Chevrolet SS.

Spaceball-Two > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:36

8

Are you sure that’s a Malibu ?

It’s parked like BMW.

PatBateman > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:41

3

Wait wait wait... You bought a V8 manual sedan?!?!

You need to go demand your money back. I bet that RWD passing-fad thing is annoying the hell out of you as well.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:45

5

I get this is a joke, but seriously folks, theSSdoesnotlooklikeaMalibualready. And besides, who cares. The Malibu isn't a bad looking car, and sleeper.

Shankems > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:45

1

The new fascia, magnetic ride, and active exhaust really knocks the first year models down a peg. I can’t justify trading my GXP in for one, but it has come close.

TylerJ > spanfucker retire bitch 10/02/2015 at 14:46

1

I didn’t get it, but I just read the title and saw the pictures.

Shift24 > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:48

5

Man RWD, V8, and a manual? With all that you would think it was built upside down by criminals...

Bunty Brown > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:51

1

Amazing. Thanks for this.

DoYouEvenShift > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:52

1

Thats a terrible car man! Bad choice. Tell you what Im gonna do. Theres an abandoned 90ish Sentra that I drive by everyday on my way to work. Ill gladly meet you halfway with it, and we can exchange.

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:52

1

GOSH ! Idiot . You should have gotten the SS. Not a stupid Malibu. idiot....

Hooker > TylerJ 10/02/2015 at 14:53

3

RTFA. I love it. Made my day.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 10/02/2015 at 14:54

1

Wait, you calling this or the Malibu a sleeper?

I mean the SS qualifies but...not the malibu

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:56

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Check out this site, you should definitely turn it into a Holden, confuse more people:

http://forum.grrrr8.net/showthread.php…

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 14:59

3

das ist gut Oppo

Johnnyazz > spanfucker retire bitch 10/02/2015 at 15:01

0

satire? or sarcasm?

Textured Soy Protein > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 10/02/2015 at 15:13

2

The SS looks more like a Malibu than the Malibu looks like a Malibu, because Malibu.

SPNKiX > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 10/02/2015 at 15:15

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yes, it does.

SPNKiX > Spaceball-Two 10/02/2015 at 15:16

1

I park where I want. I drive Malibu.

SPNKiX > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner 10/02/2015 at 15:17

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I don’t like the Holden logo. So, I’ll probably just get a flowtie and put a malibu emblem on the back.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 15:19

1

No malibu

SPNKiX > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 10/02/2015 at 15:19

0

Malibu SS? I’m not familiar with my car.

SPNKiX > DoYouEvenShift 10/02/2015 at 15:20

0

Can you meet me in Springfield?

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 15:22

1

Upon further review, this post was humor, and I did not look closely enough. My bad.

SPNKiX > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 10/02/2015 at 15:24

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All in good fun, my friend.

Van Man, rocks the Man Van > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 15:25

1

You’re now my favorite person ever.

DoYouEvenShift > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 15:29

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Sure can! Ill drag it behind me on the monorail.

SPNKiX > Van Man, rocks the Man Van 10/02/2015 at 15:30

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no. you’re my favourite person.

SPNKiX > DoYouEvenShift 10/02/2015 at 15:31

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haha, awesome!

Van Man, rocks the Man Van > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 15:33

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SPNKiX > Van Man, rocks the Man Van 10/02/2015 at 15:37

2

SPNKiX > PatBateman 10/02/2015 at 15:39

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Just checked. California doesn’t have a “cool off” period. I’m stuck.

SPNKiX > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner 10/02/2015 at 15:41

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I think he meant that the malibu is sleepy.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 15:45

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I don’t think the Malibu is fast enough to quite qualify as a sleeper.

0-60 time is a tenth of a second of my 2007 Milan V6. Not impressive when an 8 year old Milan runs with it.

Camshaft Chris: Skyline/McLaren/Porsche Fanboy > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 15:50

1

That’s a wack Malibu man. You shoulda just walked away. They ripped you off. Making you have to shift yourself and making you waste gas with that big heavy engine? Ridiculous. I think you need to sue them and report them to the Better Business Bureau.

SPNKiX > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner 10/02/2015 at 15:53

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sleepY

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 15:54

1

makes more sense.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner 10/02/2015 at 17:49

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This. Actually, I think the 2.0T Malibu probably qualifies too.

ciscokidinsf > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 17:51

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So, How much for the Malibu SS? $55K? Dont be shy...

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Textured Soy Protein 10/02/2015 at 17:53

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Sorry, no.

They are all vaguely "generic-car" shaped, all have bowties and the similarities end there.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 17:53

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No, it doesn't.

SPNKiX > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 10/02/2015 at 18:14

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I have the perfect counter-argument:

Yes it does.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 18:19

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Ah, but:

No, it doesn’t.

This reminds me...

...said Pooh , ‘ hello !’ ‘ hello !’ said the strange animal, wondering how long this was going on . Pooh was just going to say ‘ hello !’ for the fourth time when he thought...

jkm7680 > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 18:29

1

That’s a nice Malibu! Or is that an Impala?

SPNKiX > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 10/02/2015 at 18:36

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ha, long time since I read that:)

SPNKiX > jkm7680 10/02/2015 at 18:36

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Impalabu!

jkm7680 > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 18:37

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That’s the one!

JustWaitingForAMate > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 19:17

1

Welcome to the family my American cousin.

SPNKiX > JustWaitingForAMate 10/02/2015 at 19:55

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(: o ou o oq ‘no  o poo oS

Shoop > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 21:17

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Diiiibs on buying it used

McTurtle > RockRam 10/02/2015 at 21:40

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Move to Texas and you’ll see plenty. I saw two brand new ones today in the same parking lot at lunch.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 22:28

1

Congrats and well done!

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 22:44

1

SuperSleeper

SSLEEPR?

pip bip - choose Corrour > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 22:47

1

lambo dude.

daender > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 22:48

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Insta-collector’s item, like the G8 and Soltice GXP in manual trims.

TheHondaBro > SPNKiX 10/02/2015 at 22:52

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Malibu sleepy, Malibu take nap.

Steve in Manhattan > TylerJ 10/02/2015 at 23:07

0

Yeah - pretty sure there’s no such thing as a manual Malibu.

Steve in Manhattan > spanfucker retire bitch 10/02/2015 at 23:11

1

For the ‘satire’ to work, it has to be well written and lead you up to the brink, but not so close that you can jump. And it can’t bore you halfway in. That said, glad someone bought an SS.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 10/05/2015 at 10:07

1

The 2.0T has .1 of a second on my 07 Milan in the 0-60 run.

That would be an 8 year old car with a 3.0 V6.

It’s not fast enough to be a sleeper if the Milan can run with it.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner 10/05/2015 at 10:08

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OK, I wasn't sure... thought it might be faster. What's the actual numbers?

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 10/05/2015 at 10:27

0

OK looks like it’s .5 not .1. I still don’t think it’s a sleeper. Even if it had just got into the 5’s I would respect it more for sleeper status.

Closest easy to find time is an 06, my car’s an 07. (shockingly, not a lot of performance tests on Mercury Milans hahahahahaha)

2006 Mercury Milan Premiere V6:

0-60 6.9 Quarter mile in 15.2

2013 Chevrolet Malibu Turbo LTZ

0-60 mph 6.2 | Quarter mile 14.8

(Sources: http://www.zeroto60times.com/vehicle-make/m… http://www.zeroto60times.com/vehicle-make/c… )

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner 10/05/2015 at 10:46

0

OK, no sleeper status, but still not bad.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 10/05/2015 at 11:00

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Hahaha, yeah it’s not bad - especially for a Malibu. And I circled all the differences in Red from this other post the other day between the Malibu and the SS, thought you might enjoy.

http://oppositelock.kinja.com/holy-shit-they…

Side point, Milan is surprising isn’t it?

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner 10/05/2015 at 11:11

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But that’s the new one, which looks a little more like the SS from the back.

And it is, yeah.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 10/05/2015 at 11:14

1

Still, look how much I marked up on it!

Even more surprising is that I can push my handy little TSC off button and rip the tires for 100 feet or so. Yes, this has been tested. Yes, I was getting new tires very soon so I didn’t care haha.